I was in the ICU for more than a month. I don’t have the strength because the only nourishment I was receiving was from the IV. In addition, I was in dialysis non-stop. The only time that I can move was when the nurses will measure my weight, and when there was a rehabilitation hour wherein the therapist will massage my body and do some stretching. There was a massage machine attached to my legs, they said that it will help my muscles to be alive. Even though I am bedridden, I can still feel the weight of the massage machine, for me it was so heavy.
In my times in the ICU, I experienced the diaper life. I pee and poo on the diaper. And the most difficult of all was vomiting. When I eat or drink, I vomit or will have loose bowel movement. I was feeling embarrassed every time I get my diaper changed, because sometimes the nurse is a male.
I got better but still bed ridden. I was transferred to the Nephrology ward for me to recover. I am still under dialysis for 3 times a week. But the treatment for the rare bacteria, Mycobacterium haemophilum, is still on process. Many antibiotics was tested but it didn’t match to my body. I vomit and have loose bowel movements. Until there tried AMIKACIN. It was given to me by IV 3 times a week. But I am starting to feel the side effects of this medicine. The side effects were really scary, my hair fell, I was almost bald and I thought I lost my hearing. The feeling is like water entered my ear and there is continuous ringing. I can’t hear well. I had the difficulty of understanding high tones, plus everyone is wearing face masks and face shields. I was really a horror. I was so depressed, thinking why did this happened to me.
I cannot eat and drink well. I was literally skin and bones. I was not able to sit down or stand up without help. I was so weak. The rehabilitation was continuous. I was exercised and massaged. I was there in the ward recovering and I was able to walk with the help of the therapists and the walker. But the learning process of everything was so difficult. It was like you are a baby again, learning to stand up and walk. Sometimes I wonder if I am doing right because I am so conscious about my movements. I also fell many times when I was practicing to walk, luckily I didn’t have broken bones, only bruises.
I thought it was my ending. This time, as far as I can remember, when I passed out it was like I was walking to the light, everything was so calm and heavenly, but there was someone who pulled me back. I was blessed with a miracle because I lived despite that challenge.
In dark moments, remember there is always a Light.
Sorry no relevant pictures. I was bedridden.
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